Army Sailor -- War in the Sandbox...
The Adventures of a Sailor in Afghanistan...

As it turns out, leaving a warzone is every bit as involved and complicated as entering one is. Especially when you are doing it as an entire unit. We've been doing a lot of work to get ready to get out of here and you can feel the excitement and anxiety in the air around HQ. Technically this is not our HQ any more, we've done our 'Transition of Authority' and the new unit has taken over all operational responsibility. That's a good feeling, but it is also creating some minor tension... Oh well, at this point I have too little time left to really care. I am not worried about much of anything right now, as long as I get home, I am golden.

The other day I was watching T.V. and I saw a report about the homcoming of 10th Mountain Soldiers returning from Afghanistan. That was a little depressing, we got here before them, and we are leaving after them. Of course then I heard that many of them will be immediately turned right back around to either return here or to go to Iraq. I have to tell you, if I were in that situation I'd be pretty pissed off. I think these guys are really getting the shaft. It would have been better for morale if they had just been extended on vacation, maybe given a leave period, but don't let them have a welcome home party and then send them back out, that's cruel in my opinion. In the mean time, the 82nd Airborne division has taken over, these guys are good guys but it's funny to see the new guys coming in when you are on your way out. The new guys are all motivated, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. They are all very gung-ho. Let's see how long that lasts.

The 82nd Airborne seems to be very excited about being the 82nd Airborne. I am all about pride in your unit and motivation, but these guys take it to a whole new level. They are like a strange cult... Good for them, I am sure they will do great things over here. Most importantly, they will do great things without ME! I am going home. I'd love to stay under their control a little longer, but I am ready to go.

I am still dealing with some strange anxiety about returning home. I am not sure how I will react to the sudden change, and I am not sure how others will react to changes in me. I am trying not to give it too much thought, but sometimes my mind wanders. I've also been having some pretty strange dreams. I've had nightmares about explosions for months now, but now I am mostly having strange dreams about returning home. I don't understand why I'd feel anxiety about going home, it's definately not something I was expecting.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I am going to miss a lot of the people I have met and worked with on this deployment. The military provides an environment where strong bonds can form very quickly, and losing them is still a major downer. I've made friends, I have mentored soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines, and I have been mentored by some exceptional soldiers and sailors. All of whom I will miss. I intend to keep posting well after my return home, so please keep checking back, there is much more to come (perhaps the best is yet to come)!

This is my first post of the new year. I am well aware that it is being made after most of January has already passed. There are several reasons for that... None of them have to do with me being sick, ill, injured or dead, and that is a good thing.

The simple fact of the matter is I've been busily preparing to head home, and we've had a lot of harsh weather here which has made our internet connection flaky. It's been good enough for e-mail, but for extensive blog updates and monitoring it's been abysmal. I've also been a little depressed.

Some of you may be wondering why I'd be depressed with so little time left to go... Perhaps depressed is too strong of a word, let's just say I've been down. I am not really sure why, but I have been. I am also anxious (in the nervous way) about returning home. I have changed a lot over here. Many of my views have changed also. Views about relationships, politics, religion, business, my career, all have changed a least a bit since I've been here, and I am a littl apprehensive about how some of those chnges will play out when I return home. I suppose only time will tell, but I think my apprehension is normal.

There are some pretty big changes I want to make in my life when I get home, many of which may surprise some people, there are also some things that I intend to keep the same and may want to devote more of my time too, som of these things may surprise some people as well, either way I am eager, but nervous to get home.

I can say this much, I will be coming home with a renewed appreciation for all that I have back in the rear, all the good things and luxuries that we as Americans tend to take for granted have a renewed appreciation for me. I intend to live more simply, I had be come to living more lavishly than I really needed to when I was home, I intend to simplify much of that in order to save some money, and simply cut out some uneeded excess.

Other than all of that I am doing fairly well. I only have a few days left and then I will be back on American Soil. A week or so after that I will be back to the Navy. There are rumors that we may possibly be extended, but these sort of rumors always pop-up at the end of a deployment, usually as the result of fear mongering, I have learned not to believe anything until I see it, for now I am living one day at a time and focusing on the present.

Well here we are at the end of our tour, wrapping things up. Now we find ourselves facing a serious enemy, and enemy that sailors are very familiar with and well versed in combating... Boredom. The good news is that 'Boats', one of my best friends, and mentors is back on base, having completed his final mission. So at least I have company in my war with boredom. I am quite certain that a First Class Fire Controlman and a Chief Boatswain's Mate will be able to find something to get into, and someway to stir up some hate and discontent with the Army... (of course only in good fun). We'll have to find our own adevntures for the next few weeks, which shouldn't be difficult, I have been finding my own adventures, missions and such since I've been here, I don't like sitting around idle if I can avoid it, which is not to say that I seek meaningless mind-numbing work either, I can get plenty of that from my chain-of-command.

I have been reading a lot lately. Much of this reading is done on the toilet, because it is about the only place I can assure that I will be left alone, needless to say my chain-of-command is convinced that I have an impressive fiber intake in my diet. When I am not reading I have been pondering a decision I am facing. I will soon be faced with the decision as to whether I should leave the Navy or re-enlist. It's a tough decision, I could make good arguments either way. I have been seeking the advice and council of some trusted seniors. By trusted, I mean people who I know will give it to me straight and not bullshit me. One of these is my Senior Chief who is my LCPO (Leading Chief Petty Officer, NCOIC in Army Terms). My Senior Chief is a Navy Career Counselor. I am normally very careful about these guys, some are good, and some are complete bullshit artists, all of them are salesmen. Senior is a good guy though, I trust him implicitly, and know that he wouldn't steer me wrong. I have also sought advice from my Master Sergeant, and a trusted Lieutenant Colonel (who happens to be a JAG Officer). Both of these two are reservists with VERY successful civilian careers. Neither one needs the military to survive, which I thought would lend me an important point of view. And of course I have consulted with my Master Chief (HTCM) who has always been my mentor, and Boats. I have had a lot of good conversations, and the general concensus seems to indicate several universal opinions;

1) Military Retirement is Great.
2) I will be very successful at anything I choose.
3) The second 10 years are the easier 10. The hard time is behind me.
4) I should choose the path that offers me the greatest room for growth, balance and success (however I define it)
5) The choice is mine alone to make.

I have not made a firm decision yet, and I will not until I get home and unwind a bit. I need to make sure my head is not clouded by current experiences. But as a side note, I have been invited by the folks at G.I. Jobs to write a column about my decision, and the transition process if I decide to transition.

In an interesting note about this blog itself, which has been doing better than I ever imagined, in addition to being featured in many news papers (New York Times, San Francisco Gate, Philadelphia Inquirer, Baltimore Sun, just to name a few) I have now officially been linked to from the official Army Site I was listed on the right hand side, they linked to my story about Michael Crook. I know the DoD is watching, it good to see that they may actually agree with and appreciate some of my blatherings.

I recently got word that when we get back to Fort Bragg those of us who are in the Navy will be immediately stripped from the 405th Civil Affairs Battalion to whom we now belong. We will out process as a separate group, and our process should only take about 2 days, substantially less time than the 1-2 weeks the 405th is expecting to outprocess. Where as I welcome the chance to get back to my family sooner, I really don't like this idea for several reasons. 1) The people at the 405th work hard to take care of and support us. They have treated us as if we were soldiers, they have shown us no different treatment. We are a team. 2) We started this journey together, we should finish together. The 405th is my family over here. Despite the fact that I may not like all of them, I do support them. You don't get to pick your family. I don't like the idea that when we get back it will all-of-a-sudden be us and them. This is not the decsion of the 405th, this decision was made either by USACAPOC or SOCOM, either way, I think it is a bad decision. I would rather be away from home a little longer, and finish with my comrades-in-arms, then get rushed back home having been split away like a used whore.

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
-John Lennon

So here I am. Christmas morning in Afghanistan. No cheer. No eagerness to wakeup early and rush to the tree to see what Santa brought. Santa doesn't come to Afghanistan. No one sane comes to Afghanistan.

Instead of waking full of Christmas cheer, I woke in need of a shot. Sadly, in their infinite wisdom our chain-of-command has deemed it prudent to ban alcohol from the theatre. I'll save my opinion of these people until I have regained my freedom of speech.

Last night I gave my mother and Yasmeen the best Christmas present I could manage. I called home. It was great to hear both their voices. My mother cried immediately, begging me to come home, and to come home safely. Luckily, at this point I can almost assure that I will be home safe and sound, free from any permanent defect other than substantial hearing loss. I am at Bagram, and I am likely safer here on this base than I am back home on the streets of Philadelphia. My biggest risk here is probably that of stepping on a land mine (they're all over the damn place).

When I was talking to my mother she pointed out to me that this is the first Christmas in ten years that I have missed. That fact seemed dubious to me, but I will take her word for it. I suppose I was lucky up till now. Yasmeen informed me that it's in the 60's in Philadelphia. That's funny. In Afghanistan it's in the 30's, and in Philadelphia it's in the 60's. No one will ever convince me that there is not something seriously awry with our environment. Here in Afghanistan I awoke to the 'pleasure' (if you can call it that) of a white Christmas. Nothing says Christmas like a lovely combination of mud and snow.

So this is Christmas. Another year is over, and another will soon begin. As I look back in reflection on the previous year, I have to say I have done quite a bit. I've visited nine countries, helped school children, treated the wounds of locals, I've treated a wounded soldier, I've been shot at, blown-up, cheered and jeered. I've managed to make some great friends, and meet some people I hope to never see again. I have a new appreciation for life, and the Navy. I have a new respect for (some) reservists, and I have lost almost all respect for the Air Force. It's been an amazing year. Now I can't wait to get home and recover from it.

Snow! There is snow all over the place, on base and especially on the mountains. The building ahead is the showers.

The mountains behind the base chapel make for a beautiful scene.

Did you know that water can freeze on the hood of a moving humvee? That's how cold it is here. The engine was at operating temp, the vehicle had driven quite a long way, and we still found ice on the hood.

Nice thick layer of ice...

Afghanistan can be quite surreal at times. This looks like a scene you might find in Pennsylvania, Vermont, New Hampshire, almost anywhere in the U.S. But it's Afghanistan. Such peaceful scenes, interupted by the fact that everyone is heavily armed at all times.

The mountains are breathtaking. I am sure I will someday reflect back on such scenes with some level of fondness, but for now these mountains only serve as a reminder of where I am. The mountains are the walls of my prison.

The look on Master Sergeant's face here nicely sums up how we all feel at this point. Also, it turns out that your mom was right. If you make a face, it can get stuck like that. The Docs say there is nothing they can do...

Snow & Ice on the Dining Facility (DFAC or 'Chow Hall').

The mountains near the DFAC.

My thoughts drift back to Puerto Rico. They center on a evening spent with Yasmeen sitting by the poolside at midnight. Looking out over the serenity of the ocean, a seemingless endless supply of stars in the sky and palm trees swaying around us. With our feet dangling in the cool blue water of a wading pool near the beach we shared a kiss in that warm tropical night air. A kiss most memorable.

When I reopen my eyes I am still in Afghanistan. And though the country side is beautiful, it certainly is not home, and only serves to remind me of how lonely I am, especially as we near the end.

One mission left. That's all that remains for me as far as going outside the wire. One last hoorah. Though it is a perfectly routine event, nothing outside the wire is safe. This is where my Command Sergeant Major would remind me that "complacency is the bedfellow of defeat" or where my Senior Chief would remind me that 'Hajji' just loves shooting at me. And they'd both be right. Complacency is one thing that I don't believe I have ever been accused of. If anything, I think my Master Sergeant feels I am a little too tightly wound at times. One more to go...

After that I will be firmly inside the wire, and be preparing to go back home. During my preparing to go back home period, I am fairly certain I will be in full "kiss my ass" mode, whereby if you ask me to do something that isn't clearly my duty, you can kiss my ass. There are a number of people who will get to hear me say this loud and clear once we get back to Bragg and I have been released to return to the Navy.

Just a few more weeks, and a short stay at Bragg stand between me and those I love. Just a brief period of time intil I can get back to my beloved Caribbean, and pretend that none of this ever happened. God knows I will need a vacation when I get back. I still intend to take my mother to the Grand Canyon, but I am also returning to the Caribbean as well, for my own sanity.

The provinces here all have names that sound odd to an American; Bamyan, Parwan, Kandahar, Balkh, Jawjan, Kapisa... I can't wait till the day comes that I can't remember those names.

But for now, I continue to get ready to go home. I have already started shipping boxes home. I look forward to meeting those boxes at my home.

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NOTE TO TRACY
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This is a side note to one of my longest loyal readers, who also happens to be Married to an Officer I serve with. No bad word has ever left my mouth about your husband. Nothing bad I have ever written in here has ever pertained to him. Your husband is one of the finest Naval Officers with whom I have ever had the honor to serve. He is one of the few people here who have made this deployment worth while. He is a good leader, and a good man, and you don't need to worry, we're gonna get him back to you safe and sound (maybe a few paper cuts). Thanks for reading.